Chart Toppers

I got this email entitled Hospital Chart Bloopers the other day. Apparently these were actual writings on hospital charts. Well, this will at least lessen the toxicity of a chaotic day at the ER.

As they say, laughter is the best medicine.

Enjoy!



* She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

* The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

* Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

* The patient refused autopsy.

* The patient has no previous history of suicides.

* Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

* Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

* Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

* The skin was moist and dry.

* Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.

* Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

* Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

* Skin: somewhat pale but present.

* The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

* Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

* Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.